We are on our way up to Victoria to join Rose and Bob in making their marriage renewal vows–after 50 years of first making their commitment. Along with raising beautiful children, working hard for many years in Prince Rupert, then moving to Victoria, they have lived a full life together. They stand as testament to what marriage can be at a time when the idea of marriage is doubted by many. They show respect, kindness and support at every turn. Like all relationships it does not mean there have not been differences along the way, but they have negotiated these and matured into lives well-lived with one another.
Before marriage is thrown out by new generations looking for something less committal, we should understand the virtues of–why marriage? It fulfills so many functions on so many levels, it is not possible to note them all in a short space, or perhaps they can never be limited to a list, but let us look at a few.
Marriage was developed in ages past not merely as a means of collecting and passing down property, or proclaiming ownership of another person—these dynamics came as a result of darker ages. Although there is an economy of a committed relationship—statistics bear out that couples who complete high school, get married before children and stay married do far better financially than those who do not. So, there is practical financial sense in this arrangement.
Also, children reared in a long-term committed relationship do much better on every level, even if couples that stay together fuss and fight according to studies that span dozens of years. So, it is definitely better for children. And there are the other practical advantages. Sexually transmitted diseases, which are epidemic today, do not happen to those who remain true to their beloved one. Making sensible plans about having children when a couple is ready means abortion is not necessary, children can be financially prepared for, there is time for working out who does what (as there are great advantages to working together as a team). Even with so many clear advantages of marriage on these practical levels, there are even more compelling reasons for making this commitment for life.
The psychological growth that happens when a couple work on their relationship is unparalleled with marriage. As individuals, we evolve and so will husbands and wives need to evolve in a marriage. We are not the same person when we are 20 as when we are 30 or 40 (usually that is thankfully so!). Through the many changes we go through it demands good faith negotiations that require a baseline of mutual respect. And respect is a must for any healthy relationship. Master often spoke of overfamiliarity as a primary problem for couples, and, of course, he is exactly right. We learn that our words, tone of voice and attitude all matter, and this is not more apparent than with a marriage of a husband and wife. These demands of a changing nature combined with learning the value of respect, along with the ability to negotiate our way through differences and a basic stick-to-itness are powerful means to mature and become wiser and more tolerant with time.
An even deeper element than the psychological maturity that comes with a healthy marriage is spiritual bonding. As we change with time and grow psychologically, there are also spiritual heights of the union of two souls that become as one in God. Nature does a remarkable job of simulating spiritual union with new sex. Many times, in those initial encounters ego boundaries collapse and there is a total joining of body and mind. It can feel perfect—in the moment. Then the differences come in and we can spend a lifetime trying to get back to that first union, or go from relationship to relationship seeking that magic.
The real magic is in going to the next level that is attained with psychological harmony, and then on to spiritual union. There are no quick, 5 Minutes to Spiritual Union books, that is what sex tries to simulate, but so unsatisfyingly. A couple who works out many of the psychological rough edges may then, by going further come into spiritual union. This union transcends time and space as it units two souls. While the two will still hold differences on a human level, they still may experience oneness in spirit–a dropping of boundaries and entering into a peaceful sea of Soul connection. It is a transcendent merging of two souls that are as one in God.
There are souls who stay together through the years, working out the rough edges with no success–only drinking from a bitter cup. Some work on their relationship with some degree of growth, and others who really find that level of mutual respect and mellow into a fine patina like a well made and cared for artwork. Then others achieve the ultimate merging of souls and are able to maintain that over time, a true spiritual union—this is the ultimate fulfillment of marriage in addition to the many other great advantages. God’s presence felt in such a spiritual relationship lifts the hearts and spirits of all and God greatly blesses such ones—they are the true power-couple. May we be blessed to find such a spiritual union with another if it be His will for us to find a soul with whom to be with on such a great adventure.