The ferry glides upon the most perfect blue water, islands near and far with scattered trees makes the scene so charming, a perfect day as we make our way to Victoria to see devotees. With pilgrimage and hospital stays in this past couple of years–it has been a long time since making this journey.
I am reminded of times past, going back thirty seven, thirty eight years and making this same trip with a group of us following Mother Hamilton as she came to Victoria to see devotees here. Being on the ferry with Mother, then staying with devotees, Sunday Service at the YMCA chapel, brunch with Mother at a beautiful atriumed restaurant for those of us who had come up with Mother and the Victoria Group, then making our way back on the ferry. It is hard to describe how compact life was, how much experience was packed into such occasions. Actual talk with Mother was very little, it was just being with her, being part of her journey–it was everything for us in the moment.
Of course Mother had very different kinds of relationships with each disciple. With some she was very personal, staying at their homes, spending social time with them. Then, for many of us, it was very sporadic to have time just with Mother outside of Sunday and Wednesday Service, very rarely one-on-one–while Mother was everything for me, she was far more impersonal in our relationship. There seemed to be an inner circle of devotees, and then the rest of us. I sometimes wondered what it would be like to be part of the inner circle, but I was secure in knowing that what I had with Mother transcended social circles, or proximity of being in person with her–I was content with what I had.
It is interesting now, because it has proven true over time that many who were part of that inner circle did not stay with Mother; however there were those of us on the outer circle who have stayed true to a bond formed with the guru so long ago. Mother said that those who were more physically distant from her often made more spiritual progress than those close, such is the mystery of discipleship. Jesus said, many are called, few are chosen, and Krishna said, of many thousands, one here and there seek Him out, and of those a rare one rises up to know Him truly as He is; the path of realization is indeed inscrutable.
Such are my thoughts in the early morning hours being here with devotees. Now I find God in this form is different with each one, some brought in closer, some kept more at a distance. However, what is equal is the love that God expresses through me for each one. For God is both personal and impersonal; the personal shows distinction, the impersonal none. God has His play, His lila, and He enjoys it. God also is unqualified Spirit, without separation, limitation–beyond time, space and form. As He is in Himself in Spirit, and also the creative Hand manifesting as all nature, so His seemingly dual nature is within all souls–the microcosm in the macrocosm. In Spirit He is one, whole, complete; and in creation He joyfully expresses Himself as varied forms in the ebb and flow of life–with all of its dramas.
Being made in His likeness (unqualified Spirit) and His image (expressive form), each soul has both completeness and dynamism deep in their souls. However, so many have forgotten their heritage of perfect Spirit within, and seek to find their happiness in the constantly changing images of creation; a vain task never to be completed. For, only in Spirit is wholeness experienced, and with that realization comes the experience that it is the same Spirit being expressed as multifarious creation–the same oneness known in deepest meditation reveals the deep underlying oneness in all forms (this oneness in creation is Christ-awareness–the only begotten Son of God).
Mother acted impeccably with each soul, perfect for what each one needed for his or her spiritual evolution. With me, she kept an impersonal distance that made me seek Her out in Spirit, not becoming overly familiar with Her outer form. It was perfect for me, and made me know Her in Her Divinity first, and foremost. Others She swept up in Her lila, and that was perfect for them. Inner attunement stands the world on its head in terms of who is in the inner circle and who is part of the outer circle.
In my current life God has become far more impersonal in Spirit. He is a strict taskmaster, and when I venture too much into His play, He is quick to draw me back in Him. My God is a jealous God--speaks to His instant inner direction that brooks no insubordination of too much focus on this world, even when I think it is a task done for Him! And when He flows through me as form, He does so joyfully and easily. But usually I am mostly in Him. One of the interesting things about this, is that when deep in Him, and He makes me think of someone or some situation, I feel such intimate contact in Spirit with that one–a complete knowing oneness. There is an inscrutability to His divine design that belies human logic that tells us physical contact is the only means of feeling close to another–however this wisdom is at once knowable through intuition.
Oh, in my humanness, how I would love to ride on that ferry with Mother once again, basking in her physical presence–even for just a moment! To be the littlest one in her retinue–what joy there is in that thought!Yet, as I think of Her, Mother’s shining presence glows in and around me, treasure beyond all treasures! Such is the play of the Guru–God within, God without.