Picture: Swami Satchidananda-A powerful example of universal love (2007)
One of the enduring challenges for aspirants comes with relationships we have in this world, through family, friends and professions. The fine line of how to be in this world, but not of it, offers a demanding obstacle course to run, but like all obstacle courses they are intended to make us better, stronger.
I just attended a birthday celebration for a favorite aunt where I saw cousins and relations I had not seen in years. It was lovely to see these family members who I have known most of my life, exchanging news and whereabouts, catching up on those who were not in attendance, the normal kind of conversations that ensue in such gatherings.
Like the proverbial iceberg, what shows above the surface offers little of what resides below. To be in a group and feel the love and light of the Divine shining through the heart, to embrace each one in that same light is a freeing experience that sheds self-consciousness and makes us see more clearly the real person behind the mask of a social personality.
What prevents this freedom while mingling in the world of relations? It is the set of expectations we hold for ourselves and others, as well as those expectations others hold for us. These expectations are attachments to ideas of who we are supposed to be, or the spoken or unspoken agreement of what others expect of us—keeping us bound to roles that do not reflect who we really are.
What will others think of me or say about me matters a great deal to the ego-mind. Will they think I have gained a few pounds, lost a few? Will they think I am successful or failing to live up to expectations? Will I be accepted or rejected, embarrassed or proud? And then there are my judgments of others based on outward appearances. The list of attachments can be very long, all of which keeps me from being present to what is true in the moment. I will fail to see the greater reality when taken in by the outer show; I will be robbed of the greatest gift—universal love.
The truth is we all crave to be loved. However, in the marketplace of relationships we oftentimes only give and receive judgments—not love. Of course we perceive the tip of externals, but do we go beyond the things of the world? I alone am responsible for seeing or not seeing higher reality; I cannot expect the world to see it first, then I will follow its lead.
My aunt has the rare quality of seeing the best in others and bringing it out in them. With a twinkle in her eye and a ready laugh—even as dementia is destroying parts of her brain she retains that which has always been essential to her loving nature. Life has handed her some very difficult situations, and rather than make her bitter she has compassion readily available for her fellow man, as well as righteous anger for those who thoughtlessly heap suffering onto others.
A man recently broke into her room; it had been warm and she left the patio door open and fallen asleep. She woke up to a dark room and a strange man reaching to steal her cell phone. Coming out of her sleep she said, “Get the hell out of here!” She was sure he was more startled than she had been and he ran from her room. I know that if the man came back the next day and told her of his difficulties she would give a sympathetic listening, and some stern advice to never do any such thing again.
Someone like my aunt makes it easy to give and receive love. However, others can be more challenging, an obstacle in the course that makes you work harder to remain undisturbed. It is a matter of keeping your mind fixed on your own higher nature. It is common that when you meet someone, you meet like with like. If someone is abrasive, invasive or in some way rubs you the wrong way, you feel the need to react to their behavior. You put them in charge by being reactive to how they are presenting, giving them all the power. When you think about it, such a personality is the last person in the world you would put in charge of your life!
Instead, you exercise self-mastery—focusing on your own higher nature. You continue in your own light and remain undisturbed by what another says or does. This does not make you a doormat, you may even tell them to get the hell out! But you do not lose connection to that vast aspect of yourself that is beneath the surface—your greater qualities.
Practice chanting the all-powerful name of God when in social situations. See the light radiating from your own heart and surrounding those who are around you. Feel the freedom this invokes within you and you will see it has its effect on others as well. Those who are obstacles to this practice are in your life to make you stronger. Self-mastery teaches you that when you put God first you will find a peaceful bliss that the world simply cannot give to you—and that universal love will be the hallmark of your life.