Rebecca has come to stay for some of her last days in her month-long silence and seclusion. Her time for doing this sadhana reminds me of my spending one year in silence and seclusion at Cloud Mountain. This came about when one day I was speaking to a devotee and out of my mouth came, “I feel directed to spend one year in silence.” This pronouncement came as the biggest surprise to myself—particularly since, previous to this, I had not spent even one day in meditational silence. But now that God had said it, how do I go about doing it?
I thought of renting a cabin for the year, and others pointed out different silent retreat centers to contact, and thing one thing led to another (which is another way of saying God was leading me by the hand, step by step) and I discovered David Branscom and Cloud Mountain Retreat Center in Southwest Washington. I talked with David, who had started out his spiritual life feeling deeply connected to Master. He had built Cloud Mountain with his own hands, literally carrying the lumber and all materials on his back from the road he made to the building sites. Although it was mostly Vipassana Buddhists who rented his retreat center at that time, he was thrilled to have a connection with Master staying at his unique and newly built cabin for a long-term retreatant. He offered the cabin and food for one year at no fee, but I felt I should pay him something; I think we settled on $250 a month. He was lovingly supportive all through the year and I cannot thank him enough for his open-hearted seva.
I knew going in, starting September of the year 2000, it would take some time to settle into silence—particularly since I had been non-stop travelling to Centers, giving talks and meeting with aspirants. The first three weeks or so in silence I could feel my whole being gradually becoming quieter. One of the first things I noted was the absence of movement—being at the cabin and on the grounds of the five-acre retreat center only—whereas before there were simple and familiar activities like going to the store, being out and about; and now, nothing. And then there was the absence of planning, no schedules to keep, no arrangements needing tending. My task was silence—be here, be now. I was simply observing, noticing these changes as time unfolded. And then there was the blessed relief I experienced; there was nowhere to go, nothing to plan, no outward demands—oh the luxury to just be with God!
There were many internal journeys through the year, great challenges, and tremendous experiences given by God and Gurus, experiences that amazed and deeply moved me. However, beyond all these many wonderful revelations, the real purpose for the year of silence and seclusion came clear to me sometime later in my time there, and then continued on afterward. I was to be established in the Presence of God.
Twenty-four years prior, Mother had ignited the kundalini force at the base of my spine that shot like a rocket to the ajna. This was the real beginning of my inward sadhana. For, there are things we do in our outer sadhana, such as developing the habit of meditation, practicing Kriya Yoga, chanting and deepening prayer; the methods we adopt in order to purify the body and mind. Inner sadhana occurs, with God and Gurus blessings, when we experience the upward current of the vastly powerful spiritual force, which in India is called the kundalini. I could never relate all the experiences I have had with this miraculous kundalini force. It was through these experiences the inner change occurred; it involved not only Spirit, but mind and body as well. If I had been a better devotee, I am sure I should have shortened the time of transformation. However, through the years transformation did occur, and it prepared me for merging into the Higher Consciousness—the goal of mystics and saints the world over.
God had led me into silence and seclusion, and as a result of what He did, there was a solidification in my oneness with the inner Divine Presence. A strong point of this connecting union was in the Heart Center. I was deeply aware of this steadfast, unchanging Presence that was unshakable and unvarying. This place of oneness was such that it did not deviate, even when I reentered the world after the year of seclusion. This knowing oneness with the Infinite was a product of God and Gurus Grace, and with the invaluable help of my “second spiritual Mother”, dearest Swami Satchidananda.
When God commanded this year in silence and solitude I had no idea of what was in store; I only knew it was His command. Every devotee has his or her own journey, and as we know paths to God vary in outward form. However, for most there will come a time of stepping away from the demands of the world, to be absorbed into inner silence.
Not speaking is not the real silence (it is amazing how loud and nonstop the mind can be!). Only by stilling the body and mind do you beget true stillness. Then, inner stillness is born in the heart; a place of deep connection with the Infinite Divine that is the firm foundation for oneness with God. To become still is the goal of Kriya Yoga and its after-effect, and the chanting of God’s name is meant to result in that same stillness. To be established in inner stillness brings about the extraordinary state of oneness. That is why the great mystic sage King David sang, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Be still, and know God as the eternal Self of your Being, the Source of unending bliss, and the answer to all of your heart’s desires.